Hellions of the Enterprise
by PunyTweeling97
Summary: 'As it turned out, Sulu and Chekov were indeed hellions. The Hellions of the Enterprise. And it wasn't long before James Tiberius Kirk got the proof.' Or otherwise known as, 'What happens when a hyperactive Russian teenager and Samurai Pilot get bored.' Not necessarily in chorological order.
1. Introduction

Jim Kirk was completely in love with the Captain's chair. The rush of having an entire ship just beneath his fingertips was a feeling that was far more potent in reality than it ever was in any fantasy.

There was no mistake; the Enterprise was a beautiful ship, the newest in the fleet in fact. However, it was not the ship itself that made being captain so rewarding.

It was the crew.

His crew was absolutely amazing, the majority climbing the ranks from just cadets in the middle of the Narada crisis. Despite the unorthodox and stressful situation, everyone performed admirably.

He was fully aware that he was not the primary reason they had survived their ordeal, and for once, his pride was not bruised by the admission.

Though, despite everything, he was still James Tiberius Kirk and he had no qualms about picking favourites.

The newly appointed Command crew were by far his favourites on his new ship.

Granted, he really only knew Bones and Uhura from the academy; If he really put his mind to it and thought back, he could occasionally remember flashes where he may have seen some of the others, but he didn't really count those, as no actual conversation, let alone introduction occurred.

Bones hadn't really changed much since Jim gained his new rank. He was just as grouchy and foul tempered as he was when they first met, and Jim was fairly sure that was never going to change. However, despite his hatred of anything to do with space, he was acclimating to his new position as CMO well; he wouldn't admit it, but Jim could tell that Bones loved the Enterprise almost as much as he himself did, and that he was deeply enjoying his new job.

After all, he now had the unlimited access to any and all Hypos and the authority to attack Jim with them whenever it took his fancy.

Since the Narada incident, Jim had officially stopped chasing Uhura. In all honesty, he wasn't entirely sure whether or not he was serious about it at any point at all. He supposed that he must have been at least partially serious right at the beginning; on that fateful night in that bar back in Iowa. However, after that, he supposed, it was more about the challenge than anything else. Very few women rejected him after he had set his sights on them, and that interested him somewhat.

When the truth came out, that she was on some sort of relationship with none other than Spock, he officially called off the chase.

He might have been a dick, but he wasn't the sort of dick to steal a man's girlfriend, no matter how much he might dislike the man in question.

Somehow, he wasn't as bothered by that as he would have previously thought he would be. It must be something about finally learning her first name.

At last, the knowledge he had been seeking for over three years now, and yet he didn't use it. It was only after some of their meetings, where he had ridiculous amounts of paperwork to go through and sign and she had volunteered to help by translating some of the foreign statements, that Kirk could begin patching up their somewhat frayed relationship, if you could call it that.

After that, she had completely surprised him by squeezing him in a quick hug.

"Jim," she said as she pulled away, smiling brightly, "You can call me Nyota."

And so he did, he wasn't about to waste a gift like that, however he did make a point of only using her first name in private and referred to her with her last name or rank while on duty.

He did have some sense of professionalism after all; not much, but a bit.

Scotty was hilarious. He was completely brilliant and knew his way around the ship as though he was one of the engineers who designed it. Jim had absolutely no doubts that Scotty loved the ship the most out of everyone, often calling it his 'lady,' and could be found talking to it as he worked.

The man was eccentric and had an unhealthy obsession with sandwiches and scotch, but was a complete and utter genius in engineering. Jim had made a firm appeal to keep Scotty as his Chief Engineer and after some debate; most resistance came from Admiral Archer who still mourned the loss of his beagle, they succeeded. That night, he and Scotty celebrated. Jim couldn't remember much of the night in question, but woke the next morning with a killer hangover, wearing a kilt with Gaelic scrawled over his bare chest in what looked like mayonnaise.

Scotty didn't volunteer any information, so he didn't ask.

After they had been pushed to work together, a large amount of the tension between Jim and Spock had diminished and was replaced with tentative respect.

Jim still thought Spock was an emotionless robot, but he was a necessary emotionless robot. It was a complete coincidence, their shared love of chess, but after a few games together, it had done the job.

Now instead of grudging respect at a purely professional level, that friendship that the older Spock had told him about was blooming. Jim could now see clearly that Spock did indeed have emotions, strong ones at that, but he just knew how to hide them better than any human ever could.

His eyes were his tell though. No matter how perfect his facial façade was, his could not do anything to hide his true thoughts and feelings that were hidden in his eyes; it just took a while for Jim to begin to read them.

Now, Jim could safely say that besides Bones of course, Spock was his best friend on his crew, even if the Vulcan didn't know or was unable to recuperate it. His instinctual behaviour coupled with Spock's calculated logic made for an unstoppable team, and he knew that he could trust Spock to have his back when the need arose.

However, the final two members of Command crew were the ones he was most interested and confused about.

Whenever a conversation with someone he went to the academy with strayed to his current crew, a strange reaction was prompted.

As soon as he said the names of one Hikaru Sulu and Pavel Andreivich Chekov, they appeared as though they were fighting the impulse to laugh and shiver at the same time.

"Watch yourself with them, Captain. They're right hellions those two." They would say, leaving Kirk in a state of bewilderment.

Sulu and Chekov? Hellions? He didn't believe it.

Sulu had saved his life when they were on that drill, and had worked with upmost professionalism and skill during the entire mission from what Kirk could see. And Chekov, the seventeen year old Russian whiz kid saved both of them while they were in free fall.

No, he didn't believe any of those warnings. Sulu was too mature and loyal and Chekov was too innocent and damn adorable to be anything but perfect crewmen.

However, now, as Jim sat in the chair, watching everyone work, he began to question his blind judgement.

Watching them both now, he could tell they had known each other for a long time, years even. They conversed and interacted with each other with that ease that only came with prolonged interaction. But it was the looks of apprehension shot towards them from the rest of the crew that worried him, even Uhura looked slightly wary of what the two men were discussing.

As it turned out, Sulu and Chekov were indeed hellions.

The Hellions of the Enterprise. And it wasn't long before James Tiberius Kirk got the proof.


	2. Coffee

Captain James Tiberius Kirk was forced to do a double take as he entered the Mess Hall a few hours after Alpha shift had ended.

He had been stuck behind a mound of paperwork, so the rest of the Bridge crew had been off duty for a little while now, and he would be lying if he said that he wasn't looking forward to spending some time with them off-duty.

However, something abnormal caught his attention as he entered the room.

A reasonably large group of crewmen, mostly Ensigns he noticed, were crowded around one particular table, blocking it and its contents from view. Every now and then, a hushed collective cheer went up before the entire cluster fell back into tense silence.

As the Hydraulic door announced his arrival, practically every head snapped in his direction and displayed identical 'Deer in Headlights' expressions, as if they were scared about being caught doing something prohibited.

The most confusing aspect though, was that upon seeing exactly who had entered, everyone seemed to relax and turn back to whatever it was that they were watching so intently.

The Captain wasn't what they were worried about?

With his curiosity peaked and his notorious inability to leave anything alone, Jim was hooked.

Straightening the hem of his gold shirt, he confidently strode over and gently nudged his way through the crowd until he was right next to the table and the cause the disruption.

Sulu and Chekov sat at either end of the table. Sulu had a PADD resting on the table in front of him and would add a tally every now and then, before resuming staring at his younger companion with a mixture of amusement, disbelief and awe.

Chekov was practically vibrating in his seat. Both hands clutched a cup of dark liquid as if is life depended on it, even though he was in danger of losing most of it by judging by the amount his hands were trembling. After downing the contents, another muted cheer went up and he shoved the empty cup to join a hoard of similarly empty ones before grabbing another and starting anew.

Stifling a very unprofessional snort of laughter at the scene, Jim cleared his throat and brought the attention back onto himself.

"Gentlemen, what's going on here?"

Sulu shot Chekov a glance, to which the younger responded with a shaky shrug. Shaking his head in exasperation, the pilot gave Jim his winning grin.

"Well Sir, we're in the middle of an experiment at the moment."

Jim raised an eyebrow in a passable imitation of Spock. "An experiment?"

Chekov gave an amused snort into his drink as Sulu had the grace to look a little sheepish. "Ok, a dare or bet are probably more apt descriptions."

Jim smirked and pulled up a chair, sitting in between his two helmsmen with the crowd surrounding them all. "I thought so, and do I want to know what it is?"

Sulu distractedly made another tally as Chekov finished yet another cup. "We're seeing how many coffees he can drink in one sitting," he replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Jim blinked stupidly for a moment. "Ok…why?"

Chekov finally decided to enter the conversation, his accent sounding even thicker as his teeth chattered. "I told 'Karu zhat I hawe newer had coffee before. Vhen I tried vun I said eet vas ze most disgusting zhing I hawe ewer drank. He bet me zhat I could not drink fiwe een vun go."

Jim nodded thoughtfully, "You beat that mark yet?"

Another tally, a new coffee started and only now did Jim see the comical expression of distaste as Chekov drank. "Yes Sor."

Jim chucked and patted the Russian heartily on the shoulder. "Good work!" He turned to Sulu whose eyes kept flicking from the screen of his PADD to his friend in what looked like alarmed pride.

"Looks like you underestimated the kid!"

Sulu's reply sounded a little choked. "It would definitely appear that way Sir."

Jim was thoroughly enjoying himself. While not exactly what he had pictured when he decided to hang out with and learn more about his Command Crew, he had to say that this was far more entertaining than the original plan.

"So Chekov, tell me," he began, turning back to the Russian. "How is it that you can't stand coffee, but adore vodka? It's normally the other way around."

Strangely patronising blue eyes peered at Jim from over the rim of the current cup as Chekov responded promptly. "Wodka ees a proper drink. Zhis ees pig svill."

Jim clapped his hands delightedly and rocked back in his chair with a triumphant hoot of laughter. He laughed all the harder when the two other yellow shirts exchanged a confused glance and at Chekov's expression, which clearly said that he wasn't joking.

Another coffee, another tally and another cheer.

"Seriously man! How don't you need to pee yet?!" Jim exclaimed, drawing a few chuckles from the crowd which had expanded slightly since the Captain himself had joined.

"I do Sor," Chekov muttered, looking distinctly uncomfortable and shifting slightly in his seat, one foot tapping an unintelligible rhythm on the floor.

This did nothing but draw another bark of laughter from Jim and the gathered Ensigns.

This was so worth the extra paperwork he had to do!

Suddenly, Jim remembered what had confused him as he first entered the room. He leaned forward again, resting his elbows on the table. "Hey, what was with the faces as I came in? What were you waiting f-"He had no time to finish his query, as one of the Ensigns on the outer edge of the circle suddenly began shouting.

"Code Blue! Code Blue! Everyone scatter!"

The crowd dissolved rapidly; most running back to their own tables and their half-finished food, some left the Mess Hall altogether.

Jim sat up straighter and looked around in mild panic, "What the hell is 'Code Blue?'"

He got his answer almost immediately. Striding purposefully towards them, looking grouchier than ever, came Bones.

Sulu swore quietly as Chekov finished his final coffee, slamming the cup on the table with slightly more force than was necessary.

"Tventy sewen!" he exclaimed proudly before springing to his feet and clambering right over the table before sprinting out the door, Sulu right behind him clutching his PADD, leaving Jim stunned and alone at Bones' mercy.

"Goddammit man, I should 'a known you'd be a part o' this damn bet!" Bones snarled as he reached the still perplexed Captain.

Hauling the blond to his feet, Bones forcibly marched Jim out of the Hall, ignoring his friend's protests that he was not involved. Instead he grumbled to himself about caffeine poisoning and stupid immature crewmen.

"Tell you what, Jim. You can be the one t' hunt that kid down and bring 'im here, cause I'm sure as hell not goin' t' be the one to find that damn caffeinated Russian and his cohort."


	3. Russian Programming

**A/N: Hello people, sorry that this is the first you have actually heard from me, I've only just figured out how to do this. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my work and leave a review, it really means a lot! **

**Sorry this update has been a bit slow, I have no excuse so I shan't give one. All I can say is that it hopefully won't happen again. If anyone has any suggestions or prompts, feel free to PM me and I will do my best. **

**Hope you enjoy this chapter! :)**

* * *

"Ensign Authorization code; 9 5 wictor wictor 2."

"Authorization not valid."

"Черт возьми! Я устал от этого дерьма!" Pavel slammed his hands into his console, drawing a ringing pain through his palms, a number of unfriendly looks and a shocked exclamation of "Pasha!" from Nyota, shocked at his colourful use of his native language.

This equipment was state of the art, only fitting for the Fleet's newest ship.

Blushing furiously, he turned back to his console which stubbornly remained locked.

Despite being built to recognise obscure alien languages and dialects, it didn't seem to know how to deal with a particularly strong accent from its planet of origin.

Pavel knew that Scotty occasionally had problems and would have to repeat things in a slightly less excited tone. However, it seemed that he was the one that the computer hated the most.

Well, the feeling was mutual! He kicked the bottom of the panel to vent his frustration, but only ended up with a very sore foot and a knowing glance from his best friend.

Sighing in resignation, he turned back to the damn console and tried again, struggling to enunciate the sounds that were foreign to him.

"Ensign Authorization code; 9 5…victor victor 2."

"Access valid."

"Теперь вы разблокировать, вам сукин сын!"

"Pasha!"

* * *

It was fairly obvious to everyone, that the Russian whizz kid was in a pretty foul mood after Alpha shift had given way to Beta shift.

Pavel was stabbing his food viciously with his fork, not really interested in eating anything. A scowl was fixed on his face as he leant his head on his free hand. No one really had the courage to go and sit next to him, in all honesty. Very few people had seen him in such a mood and so, no one really knew what to expect.

However, that didn't stop one particular person.

Sulu made a beeline for his friend and promptly sat down right next to him. Cocking his head, he observed as Chekov continued to mutilate his food without giving any sign that he was aware he now had company.

"I'm pretty sure it's dead, Pav."

Pavel gave one last stab to the now, unrecognisable mush, before pushing the tray away and resting his chin on his crossed arms.

"Just making sure," he huffed.

"Sorry about this morning. Man, the computer must really hate you."

"Not your fault," Chekov sighed. "Sometimes I vish zhat I could just hack into zhe computer and make zhings easier."

The second he voiced this particular thought, his body language suddenly snapped from 'Woe Betide Me,' to 'Evil Genius at Work.'

Sulu waited excitedly as his friend sorted out all of the details of his newest plot in his head, waiting until the teens face slit into an impish grin before speaking again.

"How long do you need?"

"Fiwe minutes, maybe ten to be safe," Pavel responded happily as he bounced out of his chair and started making his way to his quarters to gather what he needed.

"Anything I should do?" Sulu called after him.

"Remember zhe Russian lessons I gawe you!"

* * *

Despite was most people would think, Kirk was always the first to arrive to Alpha shift. This meant that Chekov had only a short window of opportunity to do whatever it was that he had planned in-between Sulu prying the Captain away from the Bridge, and the arrival of everyone else.

True to his word, Sulu kept Kirk distracted for just under ten minutes. For a few seconds, as they were walking back to the Bridge, he was worried that it wasn't long enough and that when they got there, it would be to the sight of Pavel ripping apart the console or something equally as destructive.

Thankfully he was panicking very nothing it would seem.

As they entered the gleaming white Bridge, Sulu immediately crossed to his own seat, shooting a quick glance to his right.

The relaxed, smug expression on the teens face was enough of an indicator to know that everything had gone to plan.

The wait for the last straggler to arrive to their shift was always the worst art in any prank. However, this was one of the few pranks that Sulu didn't know the details to; he had absolutely no idea what Chekov had done to the computer.

At last, the moment of truth arrived.

It was almost an unspoken rule that Chekov be the first to unlock his station; it was like a morbid fascination to hear his attempts to pronounce the cruel code and hear his explosive tantrums upon being denied once again.

Silence flooded the Bridge as everyone awaited the inevitable fallout, some with sympathy and others with thinly veiled amusement.

"Прапорщик код авторизации девять пять Victor Victor два" Pavel said smoothly, his voice carrying throughout the Bridge.

"Доступ разрешен" replied the computer, and shortly after, the navigation station was alight and unlocked.

The entire Bridge was in some sort of stunned silence. Grinning from ear to ear, Pavel turned to Sulu and gave a subtle nod of his head.

Raising his eyebrows slightly, Sulu turned to his own station and stated his own code in shaky yet passable Russian. To his surprise and apparently to everyone else's, his station unlocked much the same way as Pavel's did.

Uhura was the next to cotton on, unlocking her station in the flawless Russian you would expect from a linguistics expert. It was, however, the final two members of the command crew on the Bridge that made the situation truly amusing.

Spock had undoubtedly figured out what had happened, yet apparently did not trust himself to not make a fool of himself upon attempting to unlock his own station. This resulted in the Vulcan crewmember starting intently at the console as though trying to open it with the powers of logic alone.

Kirk, on the other hand, appeared to be in a shouting match with the computer. Effectively butchering the Russian language in his attempts, before falling back to threatening the computer when everything else failed.

All in all, it was an amusing Alpha shift indeed.

* * *

**Hello people! Just popping in to do the Russian intended translations. First want to say that I don't personally speak the language, so I used Google Translate. (Don't get me started!) This means that the translations are likely way off! I sincerely apologise if I have offended anyone with my essential butchering of the language, it was obviously not my intent. **

**"Черт возьми! Я устал от этого дерьма!" = "Damn it! I'm tired of this crap!"**

**"Теперь вы разблокировать, вам сукин сын!" = "Now you open, you son of a bitch!"**

**"Прапорщик код авторизации девять пять Victor Victor два" = Literally his authorization code.**

**"Доступ разрешен" = "Access Granted"**

**Have a good one, wherever you may be!**


	4. Sabotaged Hails

**Hello again, lovely people! I must say, I have not had the best week. In boring old England, it's been raining practically non-stop, and let me tell you, it's not fun sitting through college completely soaked!**

**Then the internet went down and I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. **

**Today however, internet is back online and I was so touched by the response that I'm getting on this fanfics! over 900 views already! That's more than my book has and that's been up for over a year! I also got some lovely reviews, including a surprise one from Forevernotagrownup, who happens to be writing a brilliant fanfics I am currently perched on the edge of my seat over! If you haven't yet read it, I would recommend it, it's awesome! **

**Once again, if anyone has any suggestions of scenarios, please PM me, I am working through a list and will need them at one point! **

**Anyway, I'll shut up now and here's an update.**

* * *

Captain Williams of the USS Discovery was a jolly, middle aged man who was one of the few veteran Starfleet Captains not disappointed or insulted by the youth and unorthodox methods of the crew of the Enterprise. Unlike many of the other Captains, he didn't hide scorn in honeyed words, but spoke to Jim Kirk as an equal.

Naturally, this made him one of the few people outside of his own crew that Kirk enjoyed being in the company of. Another likely reason for this was that Captain Williams, despite being a portly fifty something man, had the personality and simple humour of a teenage boy.

This obviously allowed him to connect to almost half of the Command Crew.

Whenever the two ships found themselves in the same area, with no immediate danger or urgent mission to be had, the would often hail each other for a bit of a chat before they moved out of range again, after all, you can still get Cabin Fever in space.

In fact, it was during one of these hails that The Hellions of the Enterprise struck next.

* * *

"Damn! This is heavy, why couldn't you carry it?"

"I am doing eweryzhing else een zhis prank, zhe least you can do ees zhe heawy lifting!"

"Ok, ok! Keep your pants on. Where do you want this?"

"Just ower here."

"Hey, out of curiosity, how did you convince Scotty to give you this?"

"I promised him a front row seat."

"Fair enough, the more the merrier I suppose. Doctor McCoy's already going to be on the Bridge for the call anyway, isn't he?"

"Da, zhough I don't zhink he vill find eet as amusing as ve do."

"Yeah, I get the feeling he won't thank us for it."

"… Zhere, done."

"Finally! Took you long enough!"

"It vould hawe gone faster eef you had helped!"

"What are you talking about? I was your morale booster!"

"Vhatewer you say. Ve'd better get out of here before ve get caught."

"Right, but I've gotta say Pav, this has to be the best prank we've pulled so far."

"I agree. All ve hawe to do ees vait for tomorrow."

"We are going to go down in Enterprise history for this!"

* * *

The next day, Alpha shift patiently waited for the hail that had been scheduled beforehand.

Well, most the of the Bridge waited patiently for the hail, two helmsmen in particular fidgeted and kept sneaking glances at each other before smirking impishly.

Eventually, Doctor McCoy skulked in, looking as grumpy as always, while Scotty trailed in behind him, shooting the two young men a quick grin before taking his place behind the Captain's chair.

A few moments later, the hushed conversations died down as the main screen flickered and materialised into the jolly face of one Captain Williams.

"Good morning, Sir," Kirk began respectively, although his bearing was far more relaxed than it would have been if it were anyone else he was conversing with.

"Good morning yourself! How many times must I tell you? None of this 'Sir' nonsense though! We are of the same rank, are we not?" Williams' voice was low and pleasant and carried a hint of the manic energy he shared with the Enterprise's own Captain.

Without waiting for a response, he began addressing many of the crewmembers present by name, and with genuine interest, while Sulu and Chekov entertained themselves by waving and pulling faces at various crewmembers of the other ship, to be met with the same mixture of mild amusement and exasperation that you would give an annoying child.

"…And you two tricksters up the front!" At Williams' clear addressing of them, both men in question stopped acting like children and gave the Captain on screen identical 'I'm innocent and adorable,' expressions.

"Have you two any dastardly pranks under construction that I should hear about?"

"No, Sir!" Sulu replied, his broad wink hidden from the view of his own crew due to his position as Helmsman.

"Nozhing at all!" Chekov chirped, grinning like a Cheshire cat, while his eyes kept flicking from the Captain's face to his own console several times.

While Williams didn't give any outward indications that he had seen or let alone noticed any of their hints, a little twinkle of mischief appeared in his eye. Raising one eyebrow ever so slightly, and giving an almost non-existent nod, he gave the pair permission to begin.

Almost immediately, Chekov casually flicked a switch on his console that activated the ventilation underneath his console as Sulu did the same. The canisters hidden inside released their contents gradually into the room.

It wasn't until Kirk was explaining some of the finer points of their last away mission that the purpose of this became apparent.

Just as he was getting to the good bit, his voice jumped up a number of octaves, resulting in him clapping a hand over his mouth. The stunned silence followed by hysterical laughter was also cut short upon them hearing their own distorted voices.

The laughter, however, did continue on the other ship.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Kirk demanded, sounding far less assertive than he would have liked. Automatically, his gaze turned to his two helmsmen who had fallen out of their seats with their uncontrollable giggles. The both sounded like cartoon rodents and were clearly having a hard time restoring their breathing to normal.

"I would appear that some form of Helium isotope has been introduced into the air," Spock stated calmly in his usual manner, his normal baritone now a definite soprano.

This, of course, set Sulu and Chekov off on another round of cackling.

"Yep, Sir! All o' the voice alterin' effects and with the benefit o' bein' perfectly breathable!" The Chief Engineer's thick Scottish brogue also sounded comically ridiculous at this pitch.

Sulu and Chekov were practically rolling around on the floor near tears at this point. The crew of the Discovery was doing little better.

"You bloody little demons! I'll stick you so hard your grandkids'll feel it!" McCoy roared, somehow still sounding menacing even while his voice was at the tone of a child's doll.

Exchanging panicked looks, the pair leapt to their feet and made a beeline for the door, as two crewmen darted in from the wings to take their vacated spots.

"Tally-ho!" Sulu cried as he left, his voice sounding like it belonged in an old animated film.

"Yippie Ki Yay!" Chekov squeaked as he followed his friend, leaving one Bridge crew stunned, and the other highly amused.

"I think we should convert part of the Brig to their 'Time out' corner," Nyota sighed, her voice nearly at a pitch that only dogs and Vulcans could hear.

"Captain Kirk," Williams' voice brought them back to the situation at hand.

"Yes, Captain Williams?" Kirk fought against the wince, brought on by his own voice.

On the screen, many of the crewmembers were visibly trying to stifle their sniggers while some weren't even bothering to do that. Williams himself was noticeably redder in the face and the corners of his mouth kept twitching up in a rebellious smile.

"I like your crew."


	5. Twister

**Hello all! Apologies for being a wee bit late. Don't have too much to say today except thank you all so much for your lovely reviews and continued support of this story. If you have any ideas or prompts you want me to write, please PM me, I'd love to talk to you all.**

**Until next time my friends! :)**

* * *

"Great, now that everyone's here, we can begin!" Kirk crowed, a little bit too joyously in everyone else's opinion. All of the senior staff members were sitting around a table in one of the Rec rooms, which Kirk had booked for the night.

"Captain, might I enquire as to why you have summoned us all here?" Spock asked levelly from where he was sat next to Nyota.

"Game night Spock!"

Almost immediately there was a chorus of groans. There were a few light-hearted, 'not really bothered but have to appear to disapprove anyway,' groans originating from where his two Helmsmen and Chief Engineer were seated. And a pair of 'generally don't want to do this and everyone must be aware of this fact," groans from Uhura and Bones.

Spock was the only one who remained quiet, and that was pretty much because the infamous eyebrow had begun its ascent.

"Captain, I am afraid that I don't understand the purpose behind this 'Game Night.'"

"It's an old Terran tradition to improve relationships between groups of people and therefore has a completely logical reason for happening here," Kirk recited this in one breath, as well as shooting a defiant eye at his First Officer.

Thankfully, Spock knew how to choose his battles, and wisely decided against pointing out exactly how illogical the whole scenario was and instead, decided to go with the better choice of, "Captain, I am unfamiliar with the rules of this game."

Jim looked thoughtful at this. "Hmm, good point. Well, for the first game, why don't you be Captain of the spinny-thing! And if it looks to touchy-feely for you, you don't have to join in."

"A logical compromise, Captain."

"Awesome! Everyone else, get the mat out and shoes off!"

The room burst into life as tables were moved out of the way and the plastic sheet was laid out in the centre of the room. A relatively neat line of shoes was also formed along one side of the room, until the trash talk began to get a bit ugly and resulted in Sulu and Chekov throwing their shoes at each other without any real aggression, before they were cuffed round the backs of their heads by an irate Doctor McCoy.

Everyone stood in a ragtag group and waited on Spock, who was examining the Spinner Board with slight intrigue.

"Ya spin the arrow ya damn Hobgoblin, and yell out what it lands on!" Bones grunted, annoyed by the 'No drinking' policy Kirk had placed over the next few hours.

"Very well," Spock spun the arrow, careful not the move the board and compromise the result. "Doctor, left foot blue."

McCoy did so with a bit more force than necessary and stood there with his arms folded, glaring at his idiot best friend.

* * *

Only a few minutes later, you could not tell whose limbs belonged to whom. Everyone, bar Spock and Nyota who had quit fairly early on to watch the boys make fools of themselves, had managed to tangle themselves into an impressive knot, which was only getting worse the more moves were played.

"Captain, left hand red."

Jim grimaced at the instruction. "Um, ok then," he nodded vaguely to a spot in the corner of his vision, most of which was taken up with by Scotty's shoulder. "Whose hand is that?"

"Zhat vould be mine, sor."

"Ok, I'm gunna slide around the front of it."

"I wouldnae do tha' if I were you sir, you'll bring the whole structure down!"

"Trust me guys, everything'll be fine!"

"Dammit Jim, if you land on me, I'll make you pay!"

"Jim, just listen to them, you don't need to be a hero, we won't think any less of you!"

Nyota was openly giggling at this point, just the sight of the boys taking a game of twister so seriously was something worth seeing, but it was their expressions that were priceless.

Jim was sporting an expression so determined that you would think he was fighting a band of Klingons instead of playing an old game. McCoy was glaring at Jim with such intensity that his left eye was beginning to twitch. Scotty's eyes darted between Jim's face and the load bearing limbs of the pile, knowing that the inevitable was going to happen. Hikaru's expression was almost pure panic, him being the closest to Jim and likely one of the poor souls at the bottom should the pile collapse. Pavel seemed to have resigned himself to his fate and simply remaining motionless with his eyes closed.

Slowly, Jim slid his hand across the mat and wound it around the other limbs before coming to rest on the closest red circle.

Everyone held their breath…

Nothing happened.

"Haha!" Jim crowed triumphantly "I told ya I could do it-!" No sooner had the words left his mouth, his right arm gave out. A chain reaction began as Jim's descent knocked Pavel and Hikaru off balance who in turn pushed Bones and Scotty. They landed in a painful heap to the audible amusement of Nyota.

"Ahh! Dammit Jim, get your ass outta my face!" McCoy snarled, shoving the blond away roughly into the others who had been making their way to their feet, only to be knocked over again.

Jim cringed away from his furious Doctor, as Pavel kicked Hikaru roughly in the back to remove the Asian from his other leg.

"I'm much too sober for this," Scotty mumbled, from his spread-eagled position on the floor, before he accepted Jim's help up.

"Fascinating," Spock's voice cut through the chatter. "This is a common means of improving relationships in a group?" He turned to Nyota for confirmation.

"Yes, Spock. It used to be, at least," She answered.

"We must not be utilizing it correctly then," he decided, watching as another mild fight broke out, likely a bet seeing as Sulu and Chekov were the ones involved, before the men lined up in preparation for another round.

"Oh, yeah," Kirk said suddenly, snapping his fingers with the memory, "next week its monopoly."

* * *

**This one is less of a prank and more of a general bit of silliness from our favourite crew. These 'Epic Board Games' will likely be a small arc in the story simply because I can and only have so many prank ideas!**

**Hope you enjoyed! :)**


	6. Escape the Physical

**Hello my dear friends! My sincere apologies for being a little late, I had a horrible photography deadline and was getting pretty freaked out. Anyway, it's done now and I've had time to write again! I was going to post this tomorrow, but it's my birthday and I'm in a good mood! (I can finally answer 'Sewenteen, Sir,' when someone asks me my age!) I've started another fic; _Verevolves vere inwented in Russia_, go check that out and let me know what you think!**

**Till next time my lovelies! :)**

* * *

Out of everything during life on the Enterprise, there was one thing that was universally accepted as being the most grievous and emotionally taxing event known to man; simply known as the dreaded Physical week.

Every six months, everyone on board the ship had to report to Medbay to go through a full physical. While this should have been a largely irritating yet necessary procedure, the bedside manner of the CMO made the entire ordeal much more stressful than it needed to be.

Instead, the physical became a rite of passage as it was, an event that drew even rivals together for support.

It was common knowledge that no matter how terrified you were of your impending trial, never were you to try and avoid your fate. There were legends of crewmen who had attempted to hide form the demented CMO, and were infected with three different virus strains upon their capture. (Let it be known that Captain Kirk would always avert his eyes and change the conversation whenever he was in earshot of this particular tale.)

So it was safe to say that it was a shock to most people, when two people who were meant to be in Medbay for their physicals, were seen charging around the ship as though the hounds of hell themselves were after them.

* * *

They were very lucky that this particular corridor was practically a ghost town, Sulu decided as he struggled to keep as still as possible with Pavel standing precariously on his shoulders.

"Hurry up!" he hissed up at his friend, "He'll check down here any minute now!"

Pavel didn't deign to spare him a glance from where he was removing the grating to an air vent in one of the Jeffery tubes on the ceiling, choosing instead to mumble something insulting around the screwdriver in between his teeth and rolling his eyes.

With a light clatter, the grate shifted. Positioning his hands underneath Pavel's feet, Hikaru counted down aloud from three before pushing sharply upwards, just as Pavel did something similar to a jump and scrambled inside the Jeffery tube.

Sulu waited anxiously, staring at the grate for a moment while hopping from one foot to another as he kept darting glances back down the corridor, where chillingly familiar shouts were echoing. Then, to his relief, a long fingered, pale hand reached out of the darkness.

With a run up and a jump he was proud of, Hikaru leapt and caught hold of Pavel's hand, who in turn gripped his wrist with both hands with deceptive strength. With a final heave, they both squirmed into the tunnels and repositioned the grate just as Doctor McCoy stalked down the corridor beneath them.

The doctor looked furious, with a Hypo held in a white knuckled grip. He muttered to himself in a voice so low that neither hiding man could decipher what was being said. It was only after they could no longer hear him, and they had waited a few moments for him to definitely be out of earshot, that the pair of escapees allowed themselves to relax somewhat.

"Zhat vas a close vun," Pavel breathed once he had deemed it safe, leaning solidly against Hikaru's shoulder.

"You're telling me," Hikaru responded, sagging against the side of the tube. They sat there in silence for a few minutes as they allowed their heart rates to slow down back to normal levels.

By the time they had sufficiently recovered and were ready to leave, the corridor beneath them was crawling with crewmen. Two pairs of eyes observed this with some trepidation.

"Well, looks like we aren't leaving that way, anyone of them could rat us out to the doctor and I'd rather not risk that," Hikaru decided.

Pavel in the meantime was staring intently down either side tunnel, mentally forming a map featuring the most plausible escape routes.

"I sink eef ve go left, ve can ewentually get in vun of ze Rec rooms and get to our dorms from zhere," Pavel stated, looking fairly confident.

Hikaru waved his hand in elaborate fashion. "Lead on, good sir."

Pavel retaliated by aiming a sharp kick at Sulu's chest.

It seemed to them that they spent hours crawling single file through the tubes, when in reality it was only a few minutes.

A curious phonominon they decided to ask Spock about later.

It was only after they realised they had to crawl directly over one of the Medbay grates when this phenomenon stopped. The worst part of this realisation was most certainly the sight of one Doctor McCoy pacing around underneath them, practically smoking at the ears.

"How could you not remember this?! This is something you might have wanted to remember!" Sulu hissed, panic becoming apparent in his voice.

"I'we been under pressure!" Chekov hissed back, defending himself sharply. "Eet's not as zhough you vere any help!"

"I'm not meant to remember any of this stuff! I'm not the navigator, I just fly the damn thing!"

Unfortunately for both men, so worked up with defending his own honour as they were, they didn't quite remember that they were right above their pursuer and that their voices had now practically risen to high pitched, hysteria ridden shouts.

Suddenly, the grate between them surged upwards as a pair of rough, tanned hands shot through, grabbed each man by the scruff of their shirt and pulled them out of the tube with no grace nor sympathy for the undignified landing. Both men would later deny the ridiculously girly squeals being them.

* * *

Neither showed up for their next shift. When Kirk questioned McCoy of their whereabouts, all the good doctor would say was that both were confined to Medbay for a few days after picking up a particularly irritating, full body rash from a mystery source.

Despite this, both would continue trying to avoid their Physicals in the years to come. While Kirk could put a stop to it by pulling rank, he chose not to. It was entertaining for him and the rest of the Command crew and it kept the three involved on their toes.

There was no better training than avoiding an angry CMO.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! :) It only takes a minute to leave a review! You will make my birthday extra special if you do!**


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